March 13, 2018

I told my cousin when I was little I wish I were blonde. Years ago at dinner, she laughed at dinner and asked me, “Hey do you remember when you wanted to be a blonde?”  I smiled and laughed and thought it was kind of ridiculous. ..then a few weeks ago, my brothers friends at our game night were talking about how they dyed their hair purple and light brown, and then both looked at me and asked me if I ld dye my hair. I said I haven’t…they looked at me, smiled and suggested blonde. I kind of flipped out and panicked (should I do it? Should I do it?!) I asked O, who told me he supported the idea for the fact that it would also celebrate so many changes in my life. Just as traditional Japanese individuals have done and still practice someday, changing one’s hair celebrates a new season in life.

I figured now that I’m 26, going through new stages in life with a major career change with so much black already (so New York, so architect) I might as well go for this big leap sooner than later. I never had dyed my hair. I only remember being shocked about my older brother coming home with blonde Goku-like hair and thinking it was absurd. Yet, we laugh back about this and the concept of changing hair colors and changing identities, how hypocritical of me to judge. I’m taking full advantage of not working at a conservative desk job with a hair code.  I’m tired of always thinking of what people think of me. I figured I might as well do it now than when I have crappy brittle hair as an older woman. Last week I stepped into Nagi Hair and asked my fav NYC Japanese hairstylist: あんりさん、who also dyed her hair a beautiful blonde,  to do her magic. She was just as excited as myself for this type of transformation. For 7 hours, she bleached my hair 4 times, then 2.5 hours this past Thursday. Looking at myself in the mirror was one of the most bizarre, but also exciting moments in my life.

I’m pretty sick of people not being able to find me in a crowd because my black hair blended right in with the crowds.  I’m tired of the same black makeup and being restricted to a dark, monochromatic palette (I can’t help but love wearing dark colors and pastels) I wouldn’t dye my hair for my own wedding, nor when I’m entering motherhood. I know a lot of older friends’ parents are probably gaping “what the hell is wrong with Lillian now – this chick hast lost it”….But no, mom, I’m not depressed, nor lost, I just want to be have some of the cool platinum blonde / granny look with youthful skin and energy, a woman of surprises who can embrace change and whatever judgement. And although it cost me half a day and I  had to buy new makeup, shampoo, conditioner, and start a new beauty regime, I am loving my new hair.